17 Sep Vulnerability – It’s Naturally Unnatural

Most of us on the spiritual path want to be vulnerable. We realize the benefit of emotional connection, and how emotions are the nexus between self and spirit. We also know that in order to connect with ourselves emotionally, we need to be vulnerable.

Yet, despite our intention, we usually find ourselves easily triggered into resistant and reactive behaviors whenever our most challenging emotions try to surface. When it matters most, vulnerability seems too scary, too painful, and temporarily becomes our last option. Plus, at times like this, it seems nearly impossible.

That triggering, it turns out, is not our fault. It’s hardwired into our brains and is therefore totally natural. Our primitive brain, which is all about survival, erroneously perceives challenging emotions as life-threatening, and blocks them at all cost.

This is is outcome of evolution. It’s natural, but unhelpful. The cost of not feeling our emotions is always more painful than feeling them, especially over a long period of time. That domain of suffering isn’t my focus here, so I’ll leave it for now and move onto the good news.

The good news is that our mind has the ability to update, to create not just a new norm but a new natural. Once we become aware that we’ve blocked a feeling, we can then choose to feel that very block, in our bodies, until it softens, opens, and places us in direct connection with the original emotion.

That’s because the primitive brain is not totally in charge. It get the message that we’re trying something different, and stands down temporarily to see how it goes. When it turns out we don’t die from the emotion, but instead reach a place of peace and well being by going through the emotion, the primitive brain gets the message and logs it for next time.

Next time, when we encounter the same emotion, we get less intensively triggered, and are able to move through it much more quickly. While often we think of vulnerability as weakness, this newfound ability to directly face and “surf” a previously unfeelable emotion makes us decidedly stronger.

But don’t take my word for it. Please give it a try, see what happens, and let me know.

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A Note About Creating Safety In Online Communities

Some of you interested in my upcoming online learning experience, The Vulnerability Project  have asked me how it’s possible to create enough actual safety online in order to promote real vulnerability not just within ourselves but also between one another.

That’s a great question!

One the one hand, it’s not possible to create 100% safety in any group, even in person, and doing so online is that much more challenging. On the other hand, it’s also possible to build safeguards into a program to ensure a much higher degree of vulnerability than usual.

Here’s how:

First create a set of agreements for participants to follow that are clear, succinct, and manageable.

Second, let people know they will be then be accountable to those agreements.

Third, consciously and consistently make sure that the agreements are, in fact, being followed.

Last, with patience and lovingkindness, make sure that no one repeatedly breaking the agreements remains in the community.

Can you tell I’ve thought a lot about this? I’ve done so not just in preparation for The Vulnerability Project, but also in conjunction with all my distance learning programs and teleclasses over the years.

What I’m describing really does work. Imperfectly, of course, and not always right away, but enough that it is indeed possible to feel closer and safer to online community partners than it often does with those closest to us in everyday life.

But don’t take my word for it. Join The Vulnerability Project and see for yourself. Or better yet, if you’re reading this before the project begins on October 8, go to that same page and sign up for a free presentation called “The Three Biggest Barriers to Emotional Healing.”

This presentation will give you a stronger sense of the Vulnerability Project overall, and afterwards I’m addressing all questions and concerns about the project. If you sign up before 9/20, you can take part in the live part of the presentation. After that you can stream or download it.

Plus, just for registering for that free presentation, you’ll receive a free E-Book of the ten most popular interviews from my series, Teaching What We Need To Learn. Enjoy it with my compliments.