17 May Why I’m Just Like Trump (And You Are, Too)

My first response to Donald Trump is a visceral “Ick!” I want nothing to with him, and I’d rather he just go away.

But he’s not going away, which gives me a moment to reflect. In that moment I can see that the power of my first response (aka Contraction) tells me something has been triggered in me that’s worthy of my consideration.

Donald Trump is a part of my shadow! Ouch!

In the dream of my waking life, Trump plays the part of the Arrogant, Narcissistic Bully. He seeks attention any way possible, which, in our culture, usually involves saying and doing shocking, transgressive things. It’s always “Me, me, me!” Any moment outside the spotlight is unbearable, to be avoided or fled from at all costs.

My own inner Trump comes out most visibly when I feel discounted, ignored, unacknowledged for all those things I think are special about me. One way or another, at such times, I can find myself puffing up, waving frantically: “Hey! Over Here! Right Now!”

But at the same time Trump is incredibly thin-skinned, He can’t tolerate even the mildest criticism. Whenever someone counters him, he ignores the substance entirely and just lashes out. It’s the primitive brain at its most primitive. Attack the opponent in an infantile way—disparage their looks, weight, or any perceived weakness.

My inner Trump comes out most visibly in a moment of perceived slight, and when there is no risk for giving it free reign. Cut me off on the freeway, before I can censor myself, and the first response is mean and gross and horribly inappropriate.

“Ick!” is right.

Now, it’s also true that I have a lot of awareness around this, and don’t act out past this first momentary reaction. I didn’t say I was Trump, after all, but the point is I can be. Even if just for a second.

Part Two

In the dream of my waking life, those who love Trump play the part of the Fed-Up Victim. They see themselves as having been passed by, left behind, by a System of Entitled Elites that doesn’t care about them at all and has abrogated the American Contract that says decency and hard work are rewarded by a basic middle class life.

And in many ways they are exactly right.

My own inner Trump supporters come out most visibly when I see the successes I want for myself going to others instead of me. Whether it’s in wealth, fame, or love, I know well (and suspect you do, too) that momentary explosion of envy that wounds so deeply. It has me crying out, even if just for a split second, “Damnit, that was supposed to me MINE!”

When a Fed-Up Victim doesn’t have access to real power, the only response left seems to be allying with someone who isn’t victimized by the system, and, more importantly, isn’t beholden to it. Trump can thumb his nose and spit directly into the face of the Establishment without repercussion. It feels good to watch, to identify with. If we can’t say “F.U.” to the powers that be ourselves, at least he can do it for us.

It feels so good, in fact, that Fed Up Victims can easily forgive Trumps’s meanness, and the fact that he is actually a member of the Elite himself. It also becomes possible to overlook the fact that he has absolutely no way of doing what he says he will, and that he doesn’t really want to either. Governing is the last thing on his mind.

My inner Fed-Up Victim comes out most visibly in this way when I get upset and sweep it under the rug, over and over, until I blow up at a relatively small slight. In that moment I no longer care that my words are disrespectful and attacking. “Too bad,” I think, for as long as this trance overtakes me. “I’ve kept my mouth shut long enough!”

CAVEAT: I’m sure there are people who perceive Trump differently than me, and who support him for different reasons than the ones I’ve described here. My sense is that those folks are the exception that proves the rule, so to speak, and I ask for their forbearance as I address the broader picture.

Part Three

So now that I’ve shared how I can be just like Trump, and how you can, too, perhaps you’re asking, “What difference does that make?”

Recognizing that we can all behave like Trump at times allows us not to demonize him. It keeps us from judging and blaming and shaming in a way that makes us small and tight and only hurts ourselves.

If we can accept the gift of self-reflection Trump provides, then we can stay present, effective, and expanded in this moment in which he runs rampant.

We can see, for example, that protesting stridently at Trump events actually fuels him and fortifies his supporters. We can also see that when candidates trade barbs with him it does the exact same thing.

Picture the whole story playing out on a school yard. What diminishes the power of the schoolyard bully best is when the whole student body comes together not just in repudiation of the bully’s behavior, but also in support of the values that it shares.

The opportunity Trump presents politically is to reaffirm what we believe about respect, civility, inclusion, and humility. It’s a chance to remember that keeping a society aiming toward social, racial, economic and environmental justice takes incredibly hard work both inside and out.

It’s unlikely that many Trump supporters will jump ship, because their wounding is too raw, deep, and unprocessed.

But there’s a great inactive segment of the population that can be effectively galvanized by a call to our potential as citizens. Speaking to this segment with clarity, power and passion is what will create the bulwark against Trump we’re looking for.

This kind of communication will matter most at the person-to-person level. So please, if you’re inspired, keep your eyes open for people who have been temporarily captured by indifference or cynicism. Help them see that indifference and cynicism are precisely what would allow Trump to win.

Do your best to share with them what your for, more than against, as well as the pivotal moment we’re all facing. Let them know that while we all have the capacity to act like Trump at times, or to be swayed by his toxic message, we’re also able to seize that first impulse as a chance to change.

If ever there was a time for Americans to become more of who we believe ourselves to be, that time is now.

In other words, we have to grow up.