06 Jan Stop Acting Out!

“Acting out is a term we use frequently when describing children. Specifically it means displaying with one’s actions what cannot be directly expressed in words.

And what is it that cannot be expressed? It always comes down to impulse, need, vulnerability, and inevitably…emotions.

Truth is, whether we like to admit it or not,  adults act out just as much as children. Maybe even more.

Acting out is what makes the world go round at every level, from personal to global. It’s what creates drama. division, and destruction.

Just for a moment, imagine a world in which we adults are devoted to finding and feeling our emotions in every difficult situation.

Imagine that in the aftermath of this process we then communicate about our difficulties  in a kind and clear way.

Now imagine the result – peace. Conflict would still exist, of course, but we’d be free of all the unnecessary pain that acting out inflicts on people, communities, and the earth itself.

As a new year begins, I invite you to  rededicate yourself to acting out as little as possible.  That’s my own resolution, for  sure. I prefer my drama on the page, stage and screen, rather than in my daily life.

A good way to activate this intention is by noticing the relationships and situations that currently cause you to act out the most. When you’re not in the heat of the moment, trace the drama you’ve most recently created back to the unfelt, unexpressed emotions that gave rise to them. If waves  of those emotions still exist, surf them directly until you become  more open and  relaxed.

Then, when the next potentially dramatic encounter occurs, keep a special eye out for the tension your challenging  emotions are  bound to create.

As soon as you notice that tension,  commit to naming and claiming it, even if just to yourself.

Pause  the encounter if it all possible, so that right there, where it matters most, you can tune  into your underlying emotions  instead  of acting them out.

Doing this even just once can be truly liberating. Plus, it works the “muscle” that allows this approach to quickly become a positive habit.

Long to “be the change”? Your  first step is to drop the drama.