11 Nov Hell Is Other People

It’s been coming up a lot lately, in sessions and workshops. “Hell,” in the words of Jean Paul Sartre, “is other people.” They’re so bothersome and annoying. They don’t do or say what we want and are constantly in our way. Ugh!

It’s even worse with those who are closest to us. It’s as if all of us are sandpaper, facing outward. The closer we are to another person, the more our sandpapers will cause friction. It’s not too hard to stay relatively frictionless with the supermarket checker, for example, but with a spouse who is just a hair’s breadth away – forget it.

Years ago I wrote about this in my first book, Unconditional Bliss. Back then I highlighted the ways that our resistance contributes to this “hell,” and how releasing it creates the greatest possible peace.

Fifteen years later, however, I’d like to focus on the opposite approach. How about we all just recognize that friction and aversion are an unavoidable part of any close relationship? What if we don’t make it a problem, a sign, or proof that something is wrong? What if we just take a deep breath and softly exhale along with the mantra, “Hell happens”? Or something like that.

I believe that this recognition would make life much more vibrant, real, and ultimately positive. Better yet, it would stop us from the self-blame and recrimination that comes every time we deem our own annoyance as unspiritual.

Would you be willing to experiment with me? What if we just stop, right now, expecting one another not to drive us crazy? What if we refrain from building a case against each other when the inevitable happens?

If you do decide to take me up on my invitation, I’d love to hear how it goes for you.